After publishing the blog post Stuck or Still a months ago, I went through weeks of emotional roller coaster in which my mind could rationalise what was happening and my heart couldn’t accept it.
I needed somebody’s help but I was hurting too much to reach out. In addition, my mobile phone had died on me (the last thing to break down after many others in my home in the past month), making it difficult to keep in touch with most of my closest friends as they live abroad.
I knew that some kind of energy healing would help me but was too down to apply to myself the Theta Healing and Spiritual Healing techniques in which I’m proficient.
A few weeks later, the Universe answered my prayer for comfort through two Twitter acquaintances. One offered me time and attention and our friendship is blossoming. The other one, Terri, a Reiki Master, sent me a link to a YouTube channel, RestRelaxationReiki. As a level 1 Reiki practitioner who didn’t get the chance to carry on the training nor do self-Reiki in a long time, I was eager to find out whether I could feel the energy sent to me through these videos and if it’d be beneficial to me.
I played lots of them for many days, often back to back, and the more I played them the better I felt. However, there were still many questions I couldn’t find an answer to and couldn’t ignore them. Like why whenever I sought divine guidance to know whether to carry on that relationship or not, the reply was always yes, despite the incredible difficulties to continue it. And why, after yet another setback, I would receive the message that it was a blessing in disguise and I’d understand it in the end. Well, the end had come and I still had no clues as to the meaning of it all.
To be honest, I felt like Life had cheated me. I had done everything I could possibly have done to make that relationship work and when I thought we were out of the woods my dreams were crushed, burned to ashes. Like when I finally moved to Folkestone with my daughter from Italy to live with my now ex-husband and realised that, although there was no more physical distance between us, the emotional one was abyssal.
How could I trust my inner/divine guidance again? How could I manifest a wonderful new relationship if I didn’t know what I had done wrong? One of the videos I had played was Reiki to Remove The Obstacles Keeping You From Goals. What often happens with energy healing is that it changes the recipient’s vibrations so he or she attracts the answers he or she is looking for on the physical world.
In my case, the answers have come to me this week, during a massage session with Ben Barnett from Holistic Therapies (read my blog post New Year’s Solutions to know more). I wanted his help in another area of my life but ended up talking about my breakup. What has emerged is that I’ve been constantly attracting relationships whose main feature is distance, either cultural or physical.
Fair enough, that was a childhood dream of mine, to get to know in depth other cultures and places; and it had come true, like I explain in the About page of this website. It had been exciting and eye opening but also tough in many ways and I didn’t want to go through that again. I wished to experience an intimate relationship with somebody who lived close to my place and from a culture more similar to mine. However, my new love lived in another continent! At first, it seemed he would relocate to live with me but that possibility vanished for good a month ago.
During the session with Ben I was stunned to learn that, regardless working on myself for over 3 decades to establish healthy boundaries, reach a balance in giving and receiving, and release all that I didn’t need for my spiritual growth and wellbeing, I was still disrespecting myself by accepting other people’s priorities before my own; and that it stemmed from unresolved childhood issues. If I want a new lover with whom to enjoy a nurturing, close and lasting relationship, I have to work on these issues first.
I’m sure that If I had given up on my last relationship sooner, I wouldn’t have suffered so much to feel the need to find out what this experience was teaching me. As always, Life has given me what I need and not what I want. Now I’m truly free to move forward with my life.
And you, dear Seeker, do you know what’s holding you back from achieving your goals?